48-Some Days Ya Gotta Dance

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47-Quiet Your Mind

So I suppose it's time to account for the lack of updates on my part lately. The honest truth is I've been struggling, in every sense of the word. I'm not complaining, quite the opposite, but I think it's due time that I admit to myself and everyone else that it's not the best of times for me. I've had a lot thrown at me recently, and my life has been thrown in all different directions. Every day I feel like I have a new mountain to climb, and the whole time, I'm wearing flip flops, struggling to get up the first hill.
I'm lucky to have the people in my life that I have. I've got the best friends and family I ever could have asked for. But sometimes it's hard to see through the muck to the brighter side.
Assume what you will, because I know people are going to, but my problems don't revolve around just one thing. I was telling a friend yesterday that 2010 has had my highest highs and my lowest lows. I can't call it a bad year, nor would I want to. If anything, it's taught me some of the most valuable lessons I've ever learned.
I'm beginning again in so many ways in my life, and it's scary, but it's also really, really exhilarating. I know that once this storm (or series of storms, rather) breaks, I'll be able to see the sun and it will be brighter than it's ever been for me. It just takes time, and for the moment, I'll just have to wait.

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45-Put Your Brave Face On

Product Name: Yes to Tomatoes
Product Type: Facial Mask
Purchased at: Target
Price: $$
Purpose: According to the website: "Yes to Tomatoes Facial Mask is a total deep pore treatment that refines, purifies and even moisturizes your skin, while keeping your complexion clean, clear, and balanced."
Review: I've used this mask several times since I've gotten it and I'm absolutely in love. It smells amazing, it takes 5 minutes out of my day, and I've already noticed an improvement in my skin (my pores and blemishes, especially). I have very oily skin, which is what this mask was made for, and I've noticed less oil production throughout the day, but it doesn't dry my face out either. I definitely recommend this mask, but only to those of you with oily skin. The rest of you will probably find it a bit drying. However, the "Yes To..." brand offers different masks for various skin types.
The Bottom Line: A bit pricey compared to your every day drugstore facial masks, but definitely worth the price you're paying.
Overall Rating: 8.5/10


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34-So Fresh and So Clean!

After moving back home, I decided that I would tackle not only unpacking everything, but reorganizing everything and changing my room around to suit myself a bit more. Surprisingly, I got it done in two days (trust me, I'm a huge fan of procrastination), and I'm pretty pleased with how everything came out. Speaking of procrastination, of course I distracted myself by taking some pictures while I was 'cleaning', so here ya go:

Snagged the idea for putting my sunglasses on hangers from...well I can't even remember, but I love it. It keeps them organized and visible and easily within reach, so all I have to do is pick a pair, grab it and go!

Reorganized my shoes. Subsequently realized how many pairs of heels I own.

Went through my clothes and separated them into three piles: keep, donate, and sell. Needless to say, I ended up with a slew of leftover hangers.

32-It Takes a Toll to Show You Care, It Takes a Whole to Make a Mountain

Sometimes the most obvious path in life is the hardest one to take. We make excuses, whether it be for ourselves or other people, and end up holding on to things that simply need to be let go. I'm going to borrow a quote from Mark Twain to make my point a bit easier:

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

I have been holding on to a very toxic relationship for a very long time. Far longer than I would like to admit. I'm sure the gossip-mongers are going to assume they know who this is about, and that's fine, but please do not assume you know everything about me. But I digress. I finally took one of the biggest steps forwarding in getting this negative force out of my life, and as simple as it sounds, it took upwards of ten years for me to do: I finally spoke my mind. I was absolutely honest about everything that I felt and all the thoughts that had been floating around in my head. Getting everything off of my chest and out in the open makes me feel like a new woman. And in retrospect, I can't believe it was that simple. I wasn't expecting any great revelation from opening up and pouring everything out. I knew I would most likely get no response (which is the case, go figure), but that wasn't the point. The point was the get that negativity out of me. To clear it out of my soul and my life and quilt holding on to it and dwelling on it. Like I said, it's something that took me years to be able to finally do, but I'm glad that I did. I can't wait to see where I go from here.

31-Close the Door and Take the Stairs...Up or Down? Ups and Downs...

Imagine stairs.

Imagine lots and lots of stairs.

You start walking up, but you have no idea where it ends; where you'll be when they run out.

But you're going up.

What if you never get there?

What if they twist and turn endlessly, but never reach a final point.

Were you too concerned with the destination that you missed out on the entire journey?

Think about it.

28-Without a Doubt, You're Ahead of Your Time

So this blog is about to become what it was originally intended for: a mish-mash of all the things that come to my head, all the things that make up my life, whether or not you find them interesting, they're just me. I've been doing a lot of abstract and removed entries, and I'm going to try and do a proper update while I have the mind to do it.

Everything is so incredibly different in my life now. I'm a raft guide on a beautiful river, I am doing anything and everything that I want to, exactly how I want to do it, and if it doesn't work out, I only have myself to blame. It's the first time in a long time...in fact, ever, that I've been able to say that, and I love this feeling.

It's damn near impossible to sum up the last 5 months of my life in a single entry, so I'll just let it flow out as it comes, if it comes, and that'll be that.

I've met some of the most amazing and influential people in the last few months, and I've learned so much about myself and the world. I don't think I've ever been more myself in my life...it's amazing.

Taking photographs is something I've always done for myself. I went through some rough times, personally, and the camera kind of got pushed into the background, but I've been taking it with me everywhere lately, and I've been getting some great results out of it. I saved a ton of my pictures to a disc so that I can print them out and make the coffee table book I've been wanting to make for ages. I swear I'm going to make it happen...eventually.

I plan on going West with some friends this Winter and I'm very excited about it. Plans haven't been finalized, so I'm going to keep mum for now, but I promise to update with the details as they come.

23- I am a Rock, I am an Island

14/365-Trip, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

While this is one day late, it perfectly sums up my day. I spent the day with my beautiful friend, Ashley. We walked around Little 5 Points for a bit just browsing everything they had. I managed to score the Simon & Garfunkel album "Sounds of Silence" for $1. Needless to say I was beyond pleased. Of course, we went back to my place to listen to it. Honestly, nothing sounds as good as it does on vinyl. I just love the mood it creates! We spent the rest of the night driving around and talking. 

It was definitely a wonderful day, and one that I won't soon forget.

21-I am my Own Ragged Company

13/365- Tilt, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

It's been a tough week.

20- It's Hard to See Beyond These Walls

12/365-Dress, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

This is my senior year prom dress. I heard this song on shuffle, and it prompted me to pull the dress out of the closet and put it on and start snapping photos. I'm just glad it still fit.

It got me thinking though. The dress and the song. When you're in high school, you're being shaped into the person that you're going to become, and you think you know everything but really...you know nothing. And at the time, anyone trying to tell you that is crazy and, obviously..wrong. But when those four years are over, you realize how naive you truly were. You hold on to the memories you made, of course, but who wore what, and who tripped during lunch...none of it matters. We all know that now, but why couldn't we be convinced then?

17-I Can't Take my Eyes Off of You

10/365- Hide, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

I've always been a bit of a people-watcher. I like to watch people from a distance and just observe them. Places like malls, parks, airports are perfect for it. Personally, I think that's one of the quickest and easiest ways to tell if someone is truly a good person. What they do when they think no one is looking is a reflection of their true self. 

If those little moments when you thought no one was looking were actually being seen by someone, how would they perceive you? Would you like the person they saw? Would you feel the need to explain to them "okay, I know what you saw but"? You would have to back-track and explain yourself or validate and excuse your actions. You might think it sounds a bit far-fetched, but a lot of people do this on a daily, hourly basis without even realize it.

Just think about it. You need to be the person you want to be all the time and not just when you think people are watching.

15- I Think We're Snowblind

8/365- Snow, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

It snowed today. Not much, but enough to garner a 'snow day' across the state. It's cold, and icy more than anything, but I had to get out and take a few shots of the snow while we have it, because like most things here, it won't last long.

14- I See the World With Brand New Eyes

7/365- Cap, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

This is one of my favorite self-portraits. I just really love how it turned out.

I've been starting to see a lot of things very differently lately, including myself and the world around me, and I think that this photo is a reflection of that. I think that's an important part of growing up. You realize a lot about the world and the people around you, and who you are as a person. The things that you begin to realize as you get older (and wiser) start to shape you in ways you never thought possible. Thus far, it's only been a positive force in my life. I've got an amazing support system helping me along the way on this bumpy journey, and that means more than I'll ever be able to properly put into words.

I've come to terms with that fact that people change, and not always for the better. People grow apart, some grow up, and some never do. That's just life, and you have to take the good with the bad in order to truly understand and appreciate everything. Yet, I feel like each and every day, especially lately I'm waking up and seeing things that I had never noticed before, or even seeing things in a different light. I'm becoming more aware of so much that is around me. It's difficult to accept that you're simply seeing things in a new and intriguing way, but if I hold back from admitting it to myself or others, I'm going to miss out on all the things that are happening. It's a beautiful world, and it has it's share of goods and bads and ups and downs, but I don't want to close my eyes and miss out on a single minute.

11-Before You Judge Me, Try Hard to Love Me

5/365-Cover, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

Today was a rough day. I had a lot going on, mentally, emotionally, physically, you name it. I've gotten about 10 or so hours of sleep collectively in the past week. The past month and a half, maybe 2 days, total? It's awful and it's very much starting to infiltrate other aspects of my life. I've been losing weight (which, while it may be a goal, this is NOT a healthy way to go about doing so), losing my appetite, I look sallow, I have deep pockets beneath my eyes, everything. More than anything, I'm just worried for myself. How can I expect others to care about me if I can't muster up enough energy to do the same?
I sought some much needed answers and assistance today, medically, and hopefully it was all work out. It was a big step for me, but luckily I had an amazing friend push me in the right direction and support me the whole way through.
Not every day is going to be perfect. I wouldn't want it to be, but I know, regardless of what's going on with...anything, that there's always something to look forward to. No matter how much it rains, the sun will still come up again tomorrow. I'm just looking forward to sipping my tea and watching that beautiful sunrise with a happy heart.

10- You Were One of the Brightest Stars

4/365- Stars, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

Sometimes you feel like you're on the brink of something big. A moment that will change your life forever. Maybe it's the new year, maybe it's a new purse, maybe it's a birth, a death, who knows, it's different for everyone, yet there are always those moments where everyone feels like they're about to drop off of a cliff and spread their wings and soar to new heights.

I feel that way lately. Things are changing, in a major way, yet they're subtle enough for me to accept without feeling overwhelmed. I quit my job, and I'm making so many plans, and more than anything, I'm following my heart and listening to my soul. I'm making myself happy, and for the first time in a long time I can say that I truly, honestly, and completely mean that. I absolutely feel like I'm holding the universe in the palm of my hands.

9-We Sleep All Day

3/365-Sleeping, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

I've always had intense bonds with all of my animals. I've just never gotten the concept of having "just pets". My pets are always my best friends, my rocks, my sanity. No matter what is going on, I can always cuddle with my cat or dog, talk to them, spoil them, vent to them, etc. They just always understand. Each of my pets has always been uniquely special to me.
The first pet I ever had, Hazel, was born a year before I was. She died when I was 14. She was an amazing soul and lived 8 years beyond her life expectancy. She was a fighter. All of my animals have been.
Throughout all of my years, I've only ever lost two pets, and they were both to old age, and despite the sadness of loss, this makes me very happy to know. I haven't had a pet ripped form my arms by tragedy. They lived out their lives to the very end, and went peacefully.
The little guy in this photo is Ringo, and like all my other pets, he's unique and special in his own little way. I think he's more human in his qualities than all of my other animals have been. Ringo is emotional, just like I am (I have no problem admitting it!). When his brother passed away (even though he wasn't living with him anymore), he moped around the whole day and would look at me with this incredible sadness in his eyes. When I'm crying and upset, he cuddles up with me, will lick my tears away, or meow as if to say he understands.
That kind of thing, with all of my animals, has always amazed me. But like I said, I've always had some kind of special connection to my pets. I encourage all of you to form special bonds with the living things around you, whether it be a pet, a plant, a tree, anything. The universe is full of energy and life, and there's nothing wrong with embracing that.

8- And We All Shine On

2/365- Glitter, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

This little butterfly was given to me by a good friend in Michigan. I hung it from a tapestry that I have in a reading corner in my room. This is typically where I go when I want some peace and quiet. I light some candles, sit on my bench, pull out a book and read or do some yoga, meditation or write.
There's something really liberating about being able to go to this corner of my room just to escape the world and have some serenity. It's my solace, my creative corner, my relaxation station.
This little guy in the picture helped pull the whole thing together. I've taken to touching him on my way out the door, and he's somehow become a good-luck charm for me.
I think everyone needs a good-luck charm, no matter what or who it is. Even if you don't believe in that sort of thing completely, sometimes it just helps to cheer your spirit and brighten your day just a bit.
I think one thing that I love so much about this butterfly is the glitter that he has all over him. It just reminds me every time that I look at him that everyone, in their own little way, always shines. So shine on, butterfly, shine on.

7- You Are My Weakness, You Are My Strength

1/365-Lip, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

So it's officially 2010. I hope everyone's New Years Eve celebrations were amazing and more importantly; safe.

I decided to start taking part in Project 365 (essentially take/post 1 photo a day for 365 days, sounds easier than it is!), so this is the beginning of that.

This year seems to already have a lot of hope attached to it. People already seem to be banking on this year being so much greater than all the rest, without realizing that it doesn't matter what year it is, it matters what you do in and with that year. If you want this to be the best year of your life, or the happiest, or the most productive, make it so! Don't just rest on your laurels and hope that just because it's 2010 it'll happen. You're far more powerful than you realize, and the second you realize it, the second you'll start making life exactly what you want it to be.

6-I'll Follow Your Lead

Feet, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

It's getting closer and closer to 2010. For a lot of people that means new beginnings. Many have suffered pain, loss, struggle, torment, and extreme difficulty in 2009. Even if you haven't endured any great tragedy in the past year, who says you cannot start over, start fresh in the new year?
This doesn't necessarily mean setting any goals or resolutions. Maybe that's just setting yourself up for disappointment. Instead of resolving to work out, lose weight, write more, why not just resolve to be more of who you truly are? Be yourself, do what makes you happy, fight for your soul and your sanity. You're what counts in the end, and if you've got yourself squared away, everything else will surely fall right into place.

4-I'll Always be Unsatisfied

Stadium, originally uploaded by monica jennison.

Sometimes it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When you go through a struggle or a rough patch, sometimes that's all you can see. It's all you can focus on.

I'm a firm believer that everyone's pain is their own. If a broken nail completely ruined your day, who am I to tell you that that's a silly thing to be upset about? It's not my place. Everyone's pain is there own. But it's important to surround yourself with people who will help you no matter what your problem is at the moment. The kind of people who make you believe in yourself. Who help you to realize that you'er strong and sovereign and can do anything simply because you're you.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. One metaphor I keep thinking of lately comes to mind right now: You can light a candle in a room full of 'darkness' and all the darkness and negativity dissipates. But you can't take a well-lit room and add any amount of darkness to consume the room completely. The light will always shine through.

Just remember that: your light will always shine through.